Friday, December 30, 2011

And a Happy New Year!

Christmas has come, and Christmas has gone.
Pressies opened. Thank you said.Wrapping paper has been put into the recycling bin.
Turkey has been eaten again and again. So Christmas is over, it's all done.

Everything dealt with.

Except for pain

This stupid horrible horrendous pain of TN

Can I shout and scream?
Just occasionally I would like to do that.
I really HATE having Trigeminal Neuralgia!

I wish that Trigeminal Neuralgia was as seasonal as a snowman.

Actually, I wish that trigeminal Neuralgia didn't exist! At all!!

As you may have gathered I have had another pretty bad spell.  Actually, really bad spell, or very bad spell would be more appropriate, because it certainly wasn’t pretty.

I thought I was going to get away lightly and have a low pain day on Christmas, but my back decided to play up worse than normal. I don’t know if it was a trapped nerve, but I was struggling to move very much. Hubby did make a delicious Christmas dinner though. And I wouldn't have expected anything other than that from him.

So it was lots of lying in bed and taking extra painkillers on Christmas day and it eventually seemed to ease a bit.

But over the next couple of days as my back improved, my face became worse. No electric shock pains thankfully, just the feeling of constantly being hit hard across my cheekbone with a hammer. My teeth were agony. Like being pulled hard with pliers. Even my gums and tongue were hurting. My forehead felt as though it was being banged against a wall and my head was stuck in a vice.

The pain was so intense. I could have cried....but that would have hurt more. All I could do was take more painkillers and hope that they would send me to sleep. Fortunately they did, and over the last few days, I have done nothing much other than that.

Today it is a lot calmer thank goodness. The teeth pain is there, but not quite so bad. More like what I am used to on a daily basis. My cheekbone and forehead hurt, but not so bad. As the day goes on, I can feel it getting slightly worse, maybe just a reminder to top up on the painkillers. Maybe even time for a wee snooze. So that's what I'll do. Maybe if I could just sleep until midnight tomorrow, it could just disappear with 2011.

I think I have maybe had that wish before. But with every year, the pain seems to get worse instead of better.

Anyway......enough of my moaning. Maybe I should make a New Year's resolution to stop moaning and get on with living!!

I wish everyone a very happy New Year. Wishing you all good health, enough wealth, and plenty of happiness for 2012. And as they say in Scotland, "Lang may yer lum reek!"

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas

Well, the day has arrived.....presents opened, turkey in the oven and now I'm ready for a wee snooze. And apart from opening the presents, I haven't done anything else. Hubby has done the lot - prepared the veg, stuffed the turkey, and wrapped the little piggies in their blankets. Yes, I've got a good of the best.

I've also got the best dog in the world. Okay, I know everyone says that about their dogs. But mine really is.
He gave us a laugh the other night. My sister had given us a bag of Christmas presents and in it was a present, all wrapped up for my dog from my niece. The bag was sitting on the table behind the couch (his couch). He kept sitting there and every so often looked round at the bag then gave me a look that said, "I know there is something in there for me!" Next he jumped up to try to examine the bag a bit more. He actually reminded me of myself when I was a wee girl. If I saw the Christmas presents before Christmas, there was no stopping me. I just had to have a feel, a shake, a sniff.....I was always so desperate to find out what was inside. My Mum and Dad always had a terrible job hiding the Christmas presents....but they did manage to.
Now, I really didn't thing that I would need to hide Christmas presents from a six year old fox-red labrador. He just couldn't wait to get in at those presents. He was getting so excited and how do you explain to a dog that Christmas is another two days away? It just doesn't work. Besides, it was making us laugh. And as I keep saying, laughing is good.
Then my hubby said that we should take the presents out of bag and lay them on the floor to see if our boy could find the present my niece had wrapped for him. So we did that and lay them on the floor. Red sat eagerly waiting to be told he could go find his. And he went straight to it. No hesitation, just straight to his present. I guess he would have made an excellent sniffer dog for the police, but he might not have been quite as happy. And I certainly wouldn't. Nor would my hubby. He is, as I said, quite simply the best.

How lucky can one person be? A hubby and a dog who can make me laugh.

And laughter is surely the best gift anyone could ever receive.

I hope that you have had a lovely day and been able to find something to make you laugh today.

Merry Christmas

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Bah humbug.....

Well, thankfully the pain has calmed down a bit and I feel almost normal. But I don’t think I’ll ever feel really normal.

But, just who was the bright spark who decided what normal should be anyway? I don’t think I like that word too much. People should never feel the need to look a particular way just to feel “normal”. It just shouldn’t happen. Learn to love yourself the way you are, that would be my advice to people.

And if I’m getting the chance to dish out advice, here’s another piece - don’t make school kids stand carol singing in freezing cold wind and rain. Hubby took me out the other day to visit family and that was one of the sights we saw on the journey. A bunch of dripping wet, freezing cold kids singing Silent Night in front of half a dozen equally dripping wet and freezing cold women. I think there may be a few houses in that town with rather poorly Mums and children this week.

I must admit that it did make it feel a wee bit more like Christmas. I have been feeling a bit of an Ebenezer Scrooge this year. I just haven’t felt well enough to trail the shops looking for Christmas presents. I haven’t felt like putting up any Christmas decorations. I have hung up our Christmas cards though....but that’s it. There’s not a piece of tinsel in sight. And I don’t think there will be this Christmas.

Oh well.......anyone fancy one of my humbugs?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Having a Bad Day

I really don’t get this.

I am on Cymbalta, Amitriptyline, Tegretol and use Lidocaine patches on my face and it still hurts so much.

I am adding in occasional pain killers and muscle relaxants.

How can I go on putting all those drugs into my body AND still live with this pain.

At one point last night I felt as though my head was in between a pair of cymbals. Both sides of my head were being hit. My temples were getting it. Then I got struck across my forehead every now and then. My teeth felt as if all the nerves were raw. I ate some mashed potato with cheese for dinner. It was warm, not too hot, but some went near the right side of my teeth. It hurt big time.

Today, the head pain has gone thankfully. But my right cheekbone hurts like I’ve been punched in the face. It’s just constant, from my cheekbone, right around my eye socket to the my temple. I feel like I have earache, but I know it’s just this Trigeminal Neuralgia. My teeth are bad. Two in that feeling of someone pulling them with pliers.

Plus the rib pain is still here. Just as bad, if not worse. The ultrasound scan was clear, so I know it’s nothing ‘inside’, but whatever is causing it is not nice.

I am so fed up with this.

Just give me one day of feeling normal.

Sorry for going on about it, just really needed to vent a bit.....

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Hurricane this past couple of weeks, we have had torrential rain which flooded places, damaged roads and made my dog really not want to go outside. He did though......occasionally. He is very good with bladder and bowel control. Thankfully!!

The torrential rain stopped, then the snow started. I thought that the ground would be too wet for the snow to lie. Shows how much I know, doesn’t it. About six inches. That was how much snow we had. No worries for the dog there as he loves the snow. He would stay out all day if he could.

The cat meanwhile, just in case you were wondering, hasn’t set foot outside since we put a stove into the kitchen. Actually, that’s wrong.....we put a smaller stove in the living room a couple of weeks before. The cat found her spot in front of it and hardly moved. Then we got the stove set up in the kitchen, so we didn’t light the stove in the living room. The cat still didn’t move from her spot in front of the living room stove....despite it not being lit. I think she just sat there wistfully waiting for it to heat up. We kept bringing her through to the kitchen, but each time she made a hasty exit to the living room. Maybe she was worried in case anyone stole that spot she had claimed as hers. Anyway, about four days later, she realised that we were getting a nice heat in kitchen, not the living room, so she decided to join us.

Anyway, getting back to the snow. Six inches of miserable, cold, wet, horrible snow we had.......and there’s nothing quite as good as a hurricane to shift it!

Yes, I did say a hurricane!!! Okay, you probably know by now that I exaggerate a bit, but some news reports did say that there were winds of 165mph in some places. Now, that says  hurricane to me.

Thankfully, it sounds like it has calmed down a bit now, just a little bit, but it appears to have brought some more snow with it. Lovely.

This is not Trigeminal Neuralgia weather.

I’m joining the cat in front of the stove for the rest of the winter.

Either that or under the duvet.

Monday, December 05, 2011


So it’s been another few tough days.

Oh how I would love to write that I’ve had  few good days. I know it would make a lot of people happy as well as myself and hubby. But living with chronic pain doesn’t quite work like that.

Sometimes I worry about writing this blog. I am basically opening up my everyday life to the world. Well, not quite the world, maybe just a few people. But some of those people are close family members. And some of them have read my blog and they have told me that it had made them cry. They understood my life and my condition better.........but they had cried.

I feel bad that I have made people cry. That wasn’t my intention.

But those people have also told me that they are glad I have started writing this. They are glad that they understand better. And they think that writing it must be good for me. I actually agree with that. I am sure that I mentioned it before that I think it’s kind of therapeutic getting it all out, so to speak.

I know I definitely have said this before, but I’ll say it again anyway........I don’t want people to think my life is all doom and gloom. It’s not. Even over the last few days, I could still raise a smile. I’m glad that I can. And I am glad that I have a husband who helps with that. I feel bad for him. I would hate to be in his position - wanting to help, but feeling that there’s nothing I could do. But, he does help me a lot. Apart from everyday chores and cooking etc. he just needs to say something, or do something, and that’s it, I’m hand holding my face, the other clutching those sore ribs.

But it’s not just him who can make me laugh or get me smiling. Lots of things do. Simple things. Silly things. Maybe I’ll make a list some day.

I just really, really believe that it is better for everyone to smile. Whether you’re rich or poor, healthy or sick, a smile makes the world a brighter place. Smiles are special. Smiles can say things that words can't. You might just make someone's day by giving them a smile. So next time you see someone without a smile, give them one on yours.

But one more thing about smiles. They're a bit like rabbits. They breed easily. Smiles tend to breed more smiles. Starts with just one, then before you know it, everyone is doing it.

So this is a great big S-M-I-L-E from me.

Now you have to pass it on to someone else.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Trigeminal Neuralgia Association

Sometimes I write when I'm having a bad day.......don't worry, I'm not running out of things to write about and repeating myself.....I'm not having a very good day, so I'm writing.

Sore face, sore teeth, sore ribs, sore knees........anyway, I don't want to bore you with all that.

Last week I decided to join the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association UK. I should have joined long before this. Membership is a mere £15.

The TNA try to collate and share figures, research and information about TN as well as providing support for members.  They also try to promote awareness and understanding of TN amongst the general public and healthcare professionals.

If it wasn't for groups like this, perhaps no research would ever be done on conditions like TN. It's considered rare (although I would argue this case), so what's the point of governments spending any money on it? I reckon there is a big point!!

So a huge thank you to all of those organizations out there and all of their hard workers, who most often volunteer their services free of charge. I always say that there may be a lot of bad people in the world, but I am quite sure that there are more good than bad.