Monday, November 26, 2012

My Invisible Friend

It struck me this morning (literally, right across my cheekbone), that TN is like having an invisible friend. Except it's not really much of a friend.......more like an enemy.

It is there with me all the time. Wakes up with me. Goes to sleep with me. It comes with me to clean my teeth and absolutely hates me doing that and tells me so in no uncertain terms.

Actually, it's with me all the time. I even feed it with it's own special diet. Oh, it just loves those tegretol tablets. Cymbalta aren't so bad either. The amitriptyline.....well I don't think it's so keen on them. But I force them down anyway, despite the choking. My friend must cost the NHS a fortune.

I'm really getting a wee bit fed up of having this invisible friend. I try to be nice to it. I actually try my best to look after it. I don't treat it badly. So I don't know why it's being so nasty to me.

I am not wishing it to go visit anyone else, but I would like it to go away somewhere far away and not come back.

Maybe the next time they send an aircraft up on a mission to investigate Mars, they could take everyone's TN with them.....and leave it there.






Monday, November 19, 2012

Pain??? What pain????

I try hard to ignore it. I have had a lot of practice over the years and I will never stop trying.

Ok, so I don’t ignore it 100% It’s not possible. I am on a lot of medication for it, so obviously I have had to come out and admit to it time and time again, rather than suffer in silence.

But I have always tried my hardest not to talk too much about the pain. I may have had the odd day here and there when I have slipped up and did have a right good old moan, but I really have tried not to. And I have my reasons.

Well, just one reason actually. Talking about it means thinking about it. And thinking about it means it brings me down. And I don't want to be down.

I suppose it’s like watching surgery on the television. You sit watching, squirming as the knife makes its first cut. It’s easier just to change channels or go make a cup of tea until that part is over. The surgery still took place, but you were able to avoid being affected by it.


If I was to explain, really explain, what my pain is like every day, it would bring me down. It is easier for me to ‘change the channel’ and avoid that. My pain still takes place, I still have to live with it, but this way I don’t get brought down by it.

Anyone who reads my blog must think, “she never stops moaning about the pain she’s in!” Yes......I do.....but my blog is different. You see my blog is my little release valve. The place where I allow myself to moan. My place to moan and in moaning about it, I hopefully help a little bit in raising awareness of Trigeminal Neuralgia. So few people know about this disease. It needs more knowledge. More understanding. More research. More funding.

And today my TN really hurts. Big time. Today I feel like screaming and shouting about this stupid TN, so I will moan about it.

I will moan about feeling as though I have been punched in the face and head by Mike Tyson. I will moan about feeling as though the dentist from Hell is trying to pull some teeth with pliers. I will moan about feeling battered and bruised even although there is not a mark to show for it. I will moan about this horrible relentless pain.

I could also throw in a few extra moans about aches and pains elsewhere, but I won’t bother. I think that’s more than enough moaning for one day.

So.....that’s my moaning session over. That means I am back to being me.....I will not think about it any more, because I cannot let it get me down.

I cannot, and I will not let it get me down.


Monday, November 05, 2012

Looks Can Be Deceiving



For a few days last week, I was certain that every time I looked in the mirror I would see a different face looking back at me. A face all beaten and bruised, with an axe slicing through my head. But it wasn't......it was just the same old me.

Today I expect to see a knitting needle poking into my right eye......but that's not the case. That's how it feels, but there is nothing to show.

But that's Trigeminal Neuralgia for you. One of many Invisible Illnesses. With pain like this, you would expect to have something to show for it. But there is nothing......not a single mark. This kind of pain should be written all over your face for the world to see, but it's not. It's hidden. Invisible.

I have been doing a bit better - still painful, just more bearable.....but then days like these come along and jolt me back to reality.

Oh well, I guess that's life with TN.

Now it's time for wee snooze because that axe is coming back. Maybe it will scare away the knitting needle!