Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Price of Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and the shops were still busy
The hustle and bustle would make you dizzy
No cash to be seen but credit cards appear
No expense is spared....it will be paid for next year

The must have items have gone down a treat
Christmas for the bosses will be so sweet
Tonight they are rubbing their hands with glee
Because they'll find a bonus under their tree

But what of the customers who've shopped at their stores?
They dread the bills coming through their doors
Some will pay it off throughout the next year
And some will be depressed with worry and fear

Some say the tv adverts are to blame
Telling the kids about a new X box game
The latest whatever, that they really do need
They look to their parents....and then they plead

So some parents will try their best to please
Sometimes getting in debt up to their knees
They can't let their child be the one without
But is this what Christmas is all about?

The shops, the banks, the taxman as well
They love the money, love its smell
They encourage everyone to spend, spend, spend
And when there's no money, they'll even lend

Perhaps it's time for a change next year
To make Christmas simply about good cheer
About love, about families and about sharing
Because shouldn't Christmas be a time for caring?
E. Sirrell 24/12/13


I hope everyone has a truly happy, caring & sharing Christmas. Thank you for reading my blog, for allowing me to share a little part of me.



Saturday, August 03, 2013

Smile, and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone?

With thanks to Nikki Samuel for allowing me to share
I saw the this post on Facebook today by a friend, Nikki Samuel. I asked if I could share it here because it inspired this blog post.

The last few months have felt a bit like this for me. It's not lke me to get down for long, but yep, I got down. And I hate myself for feeling like that. One part of me was helping with the End TN campaign, trying to give others support, and smiling.

Yes, smiling.

But behind that smile it was a completely different story. It wasn't something I could just shake off. Ian could see it and worried and did everything in his power to help me. Some days I felt like I was crying.....but only on the inside. I was still normal on the outside.

The pain, I have lived with for most of my life now, so it wasn't that. I'm used to the pain. I'm used to living my life around the pain. But there were other symptoms this year like vertigo and the numbness on my feet and legs which obviously concerned me. There was a big worry to do with benefits this year too - that has definitely played a part in my mood. As well as that, my father-in-law has had two mini strokes recently. My own Dad doesn't keep the best of health. And of course, regular readers of my blog will know about me having lost my niece last year.

Who knows why we go on a downward spiral sometimes. Thankfully, I didn't reach the bottom (not even very far down), but it is certainly easier to go down than it is to climb back up. I am climbing up though.

But seeing Nikki's post this morning really made me think.....none of us ever know what is behind a person's smile. There could be pain, emotional issues, family worries.

Some people may wear their heart on their sleeve. Other people keep theirs well hidden under thick layers.

Neither way is wrong.....but sometimes we should remember that a person's smile could be hiding a whole lot more than we will ever realise.



Friday, June 14, 2013

It's All About Awareness

I wish I didn't have pain.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

I wish I didn't have to take so many meds every day.

Ohhh......I could make lots of wishes. But there really is no point.

You have to make the best with what you've got. And I do try to do that. Most of the time anyway.

But there are "those days" when I do feel a wee bit sorry for myself. But I'm sure everyone gets those. Thankfully, they don't last for long and I can get back to normal again.  I hear people say that they wished they could feel normal.....but this is normal for me, with all the pain, the tiredness and all the other bits and pieces. It's what I am used to. Of course, I wish I wasn't, but.......

Isn't it sad that for so many people, this is what "normal" is. So many people live with illnesses and conditions day in and day out with no chance of change. And so many people's conditions are invisible to others. Just like Trigeminal Neuralgia.

facebook.com/endTrigeminalNeuralgia
This week's post on our TN Awareness page on Facebook was about the fact that Trigeminal Neuralgia is invisible. However, on a positive note, there are a lot of awareness groups just now, so it may be invisible, but it is certainly not going to be silent any longer. We want everyone to know about TN.

Our own group now has this week started a TN blog. If you haven't already seen it, please take a look and let us know what you think. Here's the link http://endtn.blogspot.co.uk/

So there you go. You came to read my blog and get a link to another one as well.

A special two for one offer for today only!

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Guilt

Something that often comes along with living with chronic pain is guilt.

I always trying to stay positive, trying to do what I can with a smile on my face. I still occasionally get a bit down in the dumps. I will not call it depression, because depression is a lot more serious. Depression is completely different. I get a bit down, just like everyone, but I can also pick myself back up.



However, I do often suffer bouts of guilt. I will add now that nobody makes me feel guilty except myself. But those bouts of guilt are more difficult to deal with.



I had to take early retirement when I was 28, two years after getting married. My pain has always ruled both our lives. But it gradually became worse over the years. Now I do less, my husband does more and I do feel guilty.

I used to be able to push myself more, but now I just don’t have the energy. I also don’t think I am physically capable of pushing myself anyway. I put my feet out of my bed in the mornings (at some late hour normally), and feel as though my feet won’t hold up my body. I struggle with everything. Life is hard. Just living is difficult some days. And yes, I feel guilty that I can’t do what I wish I could.



But it isn’t just that.

 It’s other things.....like not phoning someone, not getting around to answering someone’s email or Facebook message. Not reading blogs or Facebook posts that I would normally read. Or getting tired mid-conversation and losing track. Forgetting things. Getting things wrong. Just generally not being able to keep up.


I used to do things. I baked. I painted. Made cards. Made Jewellery.  I wrote. I even ironed occasionally. Now, I think I have become a zombie. I get up, I eat, I sleep. Maybe take a turn or two on a scrabble game, but that's about the height of it.

Sometimes I hate being me. Being me is tiring. And I feel guilty for being me.

I actually feel guilty for being me!


I could spend my life wishing things were different, but they’re not, and they’re not likely to become different.

Living with constant pain uses a lot of energy. And guilt is what I class as negative energy. We, chronic pain sufferers, can’t allow energy to be wasted on something like guilt. We need every single ounce of it just to get through the day.


So time to get rid of the guilt.

Might be easier said than done though.....