Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts

Sunday, December 21, 2014

One Wish...

If you could have one wish, what would it be
Fabulous presents under the Christmas tree
A new computer, an iPad or maybe a phone
A piece of jewellery with a big sparkling stone

What would make the season special for you
Perhaps something special you’d like to do
A visit to Paris or maybe Rome
Or have a family party in your own home

What would make life better this year
And better for those whom you hold dear
If you could have any gift, what would it be
What is the one thing you’d like to see

Sometimes what we would like is hard to find
Like compassion and happiness and peace of mind
A world without fear and hate would be nice
But things like that, don’t come with a price

Instead, they are things which we can create
And not just yearly on one single date
To have a better world in which we live
Perhaps we all have something to give

Maybe if we all play a part each day
Showing compassion along the way
Spreading some cheer, some kindness too
The wishes we have, may come true

E. Sirrell   December, 2014




Monday, November 10, 2014

Remembrance Day

After a peace treaty was signed, the First World War came to an end in the early hours of the 11th of November, 1918.

Poppies were growing in the battlefields of Flanders and due to their colour, they became a symbol of the blood spilled during the war. And there was a lot of spilled blood. The war saw millions of lives lost and even more millions injured throughout all the countries involved, amongst both military and civilians. 

World War One was thought at the time to be the war to end all wars. Sadly, we know that wasn't the case.

We remember those who fought for our countries. What they gave was precious and we must never forget them. But we also must never forget the civilians who were also affected. Nor can we forget about the lives lost on the other side of the battlefields. Those soldiers most likely had no choice other than to fight for their country.

There are so many lessons to be learnt from history.

But are we actually capable of  learning them?

To be honest, I have serious doubts about it.


I want a peaceful world. A world with no terror.  A world without hate. A world without racism and sectarianism. A world free from homophobia. A world that accepts everyone for who they are, without discriminating in any form. A world where people are respected. A kinder world. A fairer world.

I don't imagine I'll get what I want....

We are still living in a world with so much hate, greed and terror. We have power-hungry leaders throughout the world who almost seem to enjoy war. We see wars over power. Wars over religion. Wars over oil. Wars to avoid wars. We live in a warring world.


Our Warring World

We say goodbye as they leave for war
Hardly knowing what they are fighting for
Some come home. Many are lost
War always comes with such a high cost

Husbands, wives, fathers and mothers
Sons and daughters, sisters and brothers
War heroes, they're called, with medals too
Returned back home, draped in red, white and blue

At home we wait for those to arrive
The fortunate ones who did survive
A sense of relief is in the air
Despite some being wounded beyond repair

Physical wounds. In time they heal
But some wounds we can neither see nor feel
The shell shock. The memories. Bloody and dark
The war has left an invisible mark

We’ll never forget, but will we ever learn?
Wars give us lessons which are harsh and stern
Lessons of fighting, bloodshed and tears
Lessons of anger, bitterness and fears

Power hungry men want to lead the fight
Marching soldiers into the darkness of night
They’re fighting. They’re struggling. So many are dying
Wars bring no winners. Just misery. And crying

Will our world be at war until the end of time
With innocent lives being lost to a hideous crime?
Will the hunger for power ever cease?
To make way for a better world; a world of peace

© E. Sirrell
November 2014

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Price of Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and the shops were still busy
The hustle and bustle would make you dizzy
No cash to be seen but credit cards appear
No expense is spared....it will be paid for next year

The must have items have gone down a treat
Christmas for the bosses will be so sweet
Tonight they are rubbing their hands with glee
Because they'll find a bonus under their tree

But what of the customers who've shopped at their stores?
They dread the bills coming through their doors
Some will pay it off throughout the next year
And some will be depressed with worry and fear

Some say the tv adverts are to blame
Telling the kids about a new X box game
The latest whatever, that they really do need
They look to their parents....and then they plead

So some parents will try their best to please
Sometimes getting in debt up to their knees
They can't let their child be the one without
But is this what Christmas is all about?

The shops, the banks, the taxman as well
They love the money, love its smell
They encourage everyone to spend, spend, spend
And when there's no money, they'll even lend

Perhaps it's time for a change next year
To make Christmas simply about good cheer
About love, about families and about sharing
Because shouldn't Christmas be a time for caring?
E. Sirrell 24/12/13


I hope everyone has a truly happy, caring & sharing Christmas. Thank you for reading my blog, for allowing me to share a little part of me.



Thursday, October 11, 2012


 Sometimes there are just no words.......


We travelled about 400 miles down south for my niece’s funeral on the 28th of September. It was a beautiful celebration of her life and I was able to spend some special time with my sister. There weren’t a lot of words between the two of us, because there really aren’t any at a time like this, but there were lots of tears and lots of hugging.

Hugs just seem perfect when there are no words.

I’ve been trying to get back into writing my blog since then, but then I think, ‘how can I start writing about my life?’ Everything seems so unimportant in life in comparison to what my family has gone through recently. Everything seems so trivial in comparison to my sister losing her 27 year old, lovely, crazy, beautiful daughter. 

But all the trivial things do still go on. Even for my sister.


People have said to me in the past that they don’t know how I cope living with chronic pain. I have no option. I just have to get on with it. Sometimes people are strong because they have to be, sometimes there are just no options. Being strong and coping are the only options available.

Now I hear the question being asked about my sister. But she will cope. She is strong. She has to be. And I am so so proud of her.

I only wish there weren’t so many miles between us.

We may be many miles apart
But we will always be close at heart

As I hold you in my thoughts each day
Wishing I could help in some small way
To hold your hand to help you through
And show how much I think of you
If only I could take away the pain

The way the sun can dry the rain

If only words could take away
The pain you feel every day



Sunday, September 16, 2012

Tomorrow

Over the last ten days, all of our lives have changed so much. The loss of a loved one is so difficult, but when that loved one is young, it just seems so much worse. But it is frightening how quickly life can change.

Thankfully, we had nothing left unsaid, but I think due to the suddenness, it has made me think a lot. We can't always take life for granted. Sorry if it seems depressing......

 ❀❀❀

Tomorrow

Take a moment and think of this
There may be no tomorrow
But today something could be done
Meaning much less sorrow

Don’t let things be left unsaid
Don’t let distance grow
Sometimes all it takes is a call
Just to say hello

Take a minute and do those things
To save yourself some sorrow
Do it now. Do it today
For there may be no tomorrow
E.S.


Monday, September 10, 2012

Sadness

Back in February, I wrote a blog post about how lucky I was to have nieces and nephews. About how much I love them. About how much they make me laugh. I talked mainly about one niece in particular. I called her my crazy niece.........

crazy, but nice crazy.

Today I can’t put into words what I feel. Sadness just doesn’t cover it. We no longer have my beautiful, loving, crazy niece.


I was Heather's Godmother and from a young age, she called me her Fairy Godmother. I called her my Fairy Goddaughter as well as my crazy niece. I loved her so, so much and I just can’t get my head around the fact that I will never see her again.


This pain is worse than any physical pain I could ever suffer.


My poor sister and my other nieces. My pain is bad but I can’t begin to imagine what their pain must be like.


All we have now are memories. And she gave us so many beautiful memories. I can see her face and hear her voice. I can even hear her singing those Abba songs with that voice of hers. I can hear her laugh. I hope those memories never fade. She was such good fun and her heart was just so full of love. She was a special girl.

When I wrote that blog post in February, Heather read it, then wrote a comment under it in the form of a poem. I will treasure those words that she wrote. When I read it at the time, it made me laugh and cry at the same time. Today, I read it and I just cried.

Part of it I think is appropriate for the whole family right now. She said :-

How lucky I am to have a family like you,
my mum and her sisters are the best
as mine are too. 

We were the lucky ones Heather.  We were so, so lucky to have you in our lives. We all love you and will miss you forever. 



Saturday, July 07, 2012

Papa

The 8th of July would have been my Papa's birthday. Had he still been alive, he would have reached the ripe old age of 101, and I could guarantee that he would still have had us all chuckling with laughter.

My Papa, was a fantastic man. A gentleman, but boy, could he make us all laugh with his antics. He used to do things like handstands and yodel and make funny noises just because he could, and of course, because it made all of his grandchildren laugh. He even used to go to the swimming baths and dive of the top dale and he was so proud of himself for doing so. When he was in his eighties, his GP saw him doing that and asked him to stop!

I could tell many a story about my Papa......all of his grandchildren could. When I was a little girl,  my Gran and Papa used to come to our house for dinner every Wednesday night. When my Papa was still working, I was allowed to walk down to meet him coming off the bus. On our way home, my Papa used to stop and buy me a bar of Fry's chocolate cream, a huge treat for me. I ate it on the way home, and he kept telling me "not to tell my Mammy!", which of course I didn't. Of course, then I could never finish my dinner, but my Mum was never the wiser about that bar of chocolate.

He played Santa Claus at Sunday school Christmas parties, and I was there, sitting on his knee as he asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I didn't even know it was him.  I think he had that "Ho-ho-ho" down to perfection. Just like the yodelling. And just like the Tarzan call. Yes, he used to beat his chest and pretend to be Tarzan. And he didn't mind where he was when he did it.......I'm sure he did it while he was jumping of the top dale at the swimming baths. I know he did it once while he was in hospital and had nurses running from all directions.

But there are three things I am sure we all associate with my Papa - Aromatics, Guinness and......the bookies. He always had a bag of aromatics in his pocket and dished them out to us all. Only one and we had to see how long we could make it last. For those who don't know, aromatics were little brown or pink hard cinnamon flavoured sweets. I always lost that competition. I always crunched. My Papa was not a drinker, but he did enjoy his Guinness and when I was wee, I learned how to pour the perfect pint of Guinness. Then........I was allowed some of that white frothy stuff from the top. And so, we come to the bookies. My Papa's regular haunt, which none of us were meant to know about. All he did was bet about five pence (yes, pence!) on a horse so there was absolutely no harm in it, but he liked to make excuses for where he'd been. However, his memory wasn't that great, so he often forgot something. Could have been the milk he was supposed to get from the shop. Or it could have been our dog. Yes, on more than one occasion, my Papa tied our dog up outside the bookies while he went in to put his wee fly bet on the horses, then forgot to untie him when he was going home. Poor Patch.....but he did love my Papa for all of those walks.

My Gran and Papa used to travel to California to visit my Aunt, Uncle and my two cousins. They used to love going over there, then after my Gran passed away my Papa went almost every winter for several weeks. He became known to all the locals, and I am quite sure he became known to many quite simply as 'Papa'.  Everyone just loved him.....and I can understand why.

When Ian and I got our first computer years ago, we brought my Papa up to our house so we could do an MSN video call (old fashioned Skype) with the family in California. He was no longer able to fly over there, so this was a big thing for him to be able to chat to them and see them. Ian and I had a lump in our throats at the end, when my Papa actually thanked the computer screen for letting him see them. I think it made us realise how special that had been for him.

Like I said at the start, he was a man who could make anyone laugh, but he was gentleman too. We all loved him so much, and to this day, we all still miss him.

On his ninetieth birthday, I wrote him a poem.

Papa

A lot of memories come back to me
Of what you were like when I was wee
With your funny sayings and conundrums galore
You could certainly never be called a bore

With a pint of Guinness, you were a happy man
You’d even let me pour it from the can
You’d let me sup the froth from the top
But when I got to the black stuff, I had to stop

You were always trying to get us to do acrobatics
And holding competitions for sucking aromatics
You taught us how to yodel....yodel-eh-hee-hee
But it never did sound the same coming from me

You made us all laugh with your Tarzan call
But when you did it in hospital, they thought you’d had a fall
They thought you’d maybe had a cardiac arrest
Until they found you beating your chest

Remember when you used to take wee Patch for a walk
You’d say you were just going around the block
Then the heavens opened and it started to pour
And two hours later you’d walk through our door

But you were bone dry, not soaked to the skin
Then you’d explain, giving me a grin
“I stayed out of the rain, I stood under a tree”
That was the explanation you’d give to me

Stood under a tree!!
My foot! Hee-hee
I know how you never got wet
You were in the bookies having a wee fly bet!

I’ve so many memories - too many to tell
It just goes to show you’ve done your job well
You’ve given us love and laughter too
And that’s why everyone would like a Papa like you!
E.S.


Friday, June 29, 2012

 The Fight 
What’s this thing doing to my life?
Constantly attacked by a butcher’s knife
The handle hammering the side of my head
Feels like it must be made of lead
The blade is in my teeth slicing up to my eye
I have a question. Just one. “WHY?”
Just seems like a never ending hill
And I climb it. Popping pill after pill
I occasionally get somewhere near the top
Then, action begins. A sign appears. “STOP!”
The knives come out and they drag me back
Way down through that worn out track
I plead with them to leave me alone
But no. They stay. Silently, I groan

Pain has taken so much from me
One day, I hope, it will set me free
But until it does, I must keep up this fight
Day after day; night after night
Because I am Liz
The one who never loses the place
The one who always has a smile on her face
                                                                                E.S.





Friday, April 13, 2012

Normality

Everyone who knows me knows that I do try to smile even though I am hurting. But occasionally I do have off-days. On one of my recent off days I wrote a poem. A very long poem, called Normality.

I was feeling very sorry for myself at the time and started thinking about some of the things which have gone wrong over my life. Then my doorbell rung. A friend had decided on the spur of the moment to come to see me. Almost instantly, my mood lifted. It was a much needed visit!

I really don't have days like that too often. I just tend to get a smile on my face and work my way through the day. But it was just so nice to get that surprise visit the other day.

I finished my poem when I was in a better frame of mind and have decided to put it here. I'm not putting it here to look for sympathy. Sympathy doesn't help me. I'm actually putting it here in the hope that it might help some other people who are also going through tough times. We all find our own ways of coping with our problems. And no matter how bad a problem seems at the time, we can get through them. Somehow, we get through them.




Normality

I think it began with my back
I was ten
It decided to grow out of shape
I got worse after that
The scoliosis affected my pelvis
I can remember praying
Yes, praying
That I could just be normal
Just let me wake up and be normal
That’s all I wanted
It’s not what I got

I always felt kind of strange
An oddity
But it became worse, not better
The migraines started
Blind spots and sparkling lights
Afterwards, the headache
I was thirteen
Painful joints started too
Knees occasionally, fingers were worst
I wanted normality
It’s not what I got

That twisted back became painful
I was still at school
Sitting in classrooms I felt it burn
I tried to ignore it
I pretended it wasn’t there
I was still praying
For normality
I didn’t want to be like this
Just let me wake up and be normal
That’s all I wanted
It’s not what I got

I got checked out for Marfan’s
Relief!!
I didn’t have it, but I was Marfan-like
I had some of the symptoms
One was a mitral valve prolapse
Amongst the other things
Why me?
What was going on?
Please, just let me be normal
Why can’t I be normal?
I’ve never had that

The back pain got much worse
Much worse
I certainly couldn’t ignore it
It kept making me faint
The muscles were in spasm
I could hardly move
Pain
I was only about twenty-four
Now I prayed that the pain would go
That’s all I wanted
It’s not what I got

Heart palpitations started at the same time
My heart raced
It pounded like it would jump out my body
It could last for a minute
Or as long as two hours or more
Came on for no reason
No reason at all
It was frightening. Scary
Once a week, sometimes more
Was this normal?
Certainly not

The headaches were getting worse
I was under 25
Not always blind spots or sparkling lights
But my face was hurting too
Just constant pain on my head and face
And my teeth. They hurt like mad
Like torture
The doctors said it was migraine
The dentist, well he said it was normal
Actually I know now
It was the start of TN

There have been a few other things along the way
Like Raynaud’s
Plenty of aches and pains, from my ribs to my toes
The shoulders and neck
It just seems that my life has been full of pain
Pain is just part of my life
It’s normal
No point in praying to be normal
Living with pain IS normal for me
I wanted normality
But not like this

So what did I do to deserve all this
Nothing
That’s right.....I did absolutely nothing
I don’t deserve this pain
But I’ve got it. And I need to smile through it
That’s my way of coping
Not by praying
It didn’t change things for all those years
It didn’t take my pain away or straighten my spine
That was what I wanted
But that wasn’t what I got

Life can be very unfair sometimes
Extremely
There is no ‘one size fits all’ for everyone
So everyone is normal
Even me, with my odd back and all my pain
And trust me, there are people much worse
And they’re normal too
So now I don’t pray to be normal
I don’t pray for my pain to be taken away
I laugh. I smile. I stay happy
I cope with my pain that way


I never look ahead to the future
I can’t
I’m sure it would frighten me if I tried
I’ve enough to deal with the present
So I try to just deal with today
Pain is just part of my life
That is normality
So I smile, I laugh, I stay happy
Because that is just how I deal with my pain
I smile, I laugh, I stay happy
But sometimes, I just say ‘why?’
                                            E.S.





Sunday, March 18, 2012

Mother's Day


It's Mother's Day here in the UK today.

Another one of those days for people who no longer have their Mums to sit and think, "I wish....."

Well, actually, it doesn't take Mother's Day to make me wish that my Mum was still here. That happens every day and I don't suppose I'll ever stop feeling like that. I loved her so much and I miss her so much.

But I still consider myself so lucky that I did have my Mum for so long. I was in my early forties when I lost her....not everyone has their Mum for as long as that. So I look back and I appreciate every moment I had with her.

She was very special and I was very lucky.


I still am lucky.....I have been married to Ian for nearly twenty years. After I had been going out with him for a wee while, he took me to meet his Mum for the first time. I was a bit nervous, but when I met her, I found I had no reason to be nervous. I just felt relaxed in her company. Ian and I got married, she became my mother-in-law, and the bond between us has grown so much over the last twenty years.

She has always been there offering help. An ear to listen to me, and a shoulder to lean on any time I've needed it.

I remember being in Ian's Mum and Dad's house on the morning before we took my Mum to the Beatson Hospital in Glasgow to see the cancer specialist. We were trying not to expect a miracle, but we still really hoped for one. I stood on the doorstep before leaving their house, and Ian's Mum gave me a hug, which I will never, ever forget.

Being in her arms,  I felt like I was in the safest place in the world that day. She was trying to hold back her own tears and she told me to go and be strong for my Mum. And I did try my hardest to be strong for my Mum that day, and over the following few weeks. But at that moment, that morning, I just wanted to stay in her arms forever.

She is very special and Ian and I are both so lucky. We both love her so much.

Nobody can ever replace my Mum. But nobody could ever replace Ian's Mum either.


 
Mums
Mums are extra special friends
Who are always there for you
They are there during the good times
And the not so good ones too
They are proud of your achievements
And hold your hand if you are shy
They laugh when you are laughing
And hold you close while you cry

Mums are extra special gifts
And I am so lucky to have been given you
Because I couldn’t have had better
And I know for sure that's true
 E.S.

So.......back to Mother's Day.......a day when people are meant to show their love and appreciation to their Mums. But in my mind, people shouldn't need a special day on the calendar to show that.

That should happen all the time.




Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Word Of The Day - JINX


And it wasn't used in Scrabble.

No, quite simply, it's me. I am a jinx.

Well, I had a few better days since my last med increase. My GP increased my Tegretol, and prescribed it in the slow release form. After a couple of weeks, I felt a difference. In fact, I was starting to feel like I could get my life back. I had less pain in my face and it felt so good. I even managed to do some drawing a few days ago. The pain hadn't gone, I don't expect it ever to do that, but it was better.

My only problem......I actually had the audacity to tell people.

I wanted to share it. I wanted to share it with people who care about me. I wanted to share it with people with the same problem, in the hope that maybe my combination of meds could help them.

Of course, after telling people, the pain has come back with a vengeance.

I suppose it's just like saying that we are having lovely weather, then we get rain the next day.

I just hope that this little nasty spell is just a little glitch, and I'll get my good days back. Please.....I did enjoy them. I didn't abuse it. I didn't go out in the cold or anything like that. I didn't eat ice-cream.

But, hey, it was nice while it lasted!




It was good, a few days with a bit less pain
But maybe I should have used my brain
But instead, I was happy, and wanted to share
So I told some people, the ones who care
It's happened before, so I should know better
But, no....I had to spell it out, letter by letter
Like I said, I was happy, and I wanted to share
Then it comes back like a punishment....it's so unfair!
I shouldn't have said anything, that's what hubby thinks
And I have to agree.......I am a JINX
E.S.


                 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Snowdrops

Always remember
that if a small, delicate flower
can find the strength to push its way
through hard, frozen ground
year after year,
then the possibilities
for humans are endless.

We have so much more
strength
and
potential
than we realize.
We just need to learn
how to use it
in the correct way.
              E.S.





Monday, January 02, 2012

Resolutions....

                                    Some people make them, some people don’t
Some people keep them, but some people won’t     
Me, well, it’s not something that I’ve ever done         
I can’t actually remember making a single one
But if I did, I wonder what mine would be
Hmmm....thinking.....this could be a hard task for me

Give up drinking? Lol, on these meds, I never touch the stuff
Stop smoking? Thankfully.....I never have....not even a single puff
Diet?.......oooohhh nooo.....I just don’t do that word
So the thought of me on a diet is just totally absurd
Stop swearing? I don’t often do that, unless I stub my toe
Then, I’m sure, most of us would let a couple of expletives flow

So what else? Start being nice? Hmm.....I already am!!
Be the perfect houswife? Make cakes and pies, chutney and jam?
Maybe dust every room and get the hoover out once a day?
Do all the ironing, and stitch the cuffs that start to fray?
Clean the loo, scrub the shower, wash the windows every week?
Hmmm.....don’t like this......starting to look rather bleak

Well, I guess this little exercise has proved one thing to me
That a new year resolution maker, I shall never be
                                     E.S.



Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Sometimes.....
Sometimes I write when I’m having a bad day
The descriptions of pain come easily that way
But there are times I’ll wait until the day after
Then I’ll maybe inject a wee bit of laughter
Laughter is important in a life with pain
Somehow it helps to loosen that chain
A smile, a friendly face, can help so much
An understanding letter, a hug or a touch
A call, an email just saying you care
Just letting me know that someone is there
Those are the things which get me through each day
To know people are there, in their own way
E.S.


I am very lucky. I have a lot of people who care. Some people don’t. Some people are dealing with health issues on their own. I don’t know how they cope.

So for all the laughter, smiles, friendly faces, emails, phone calls, hugs and understanding letters, I say thank you. You all know who you are ♥♥♥

Sometimes, they crop up just at the right time and make a difference.



Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Dear Mum,

Today, just like this day every year, I want to pick up the phone to say “Happy Birthday”, then to come down to spend the day with you.

But, sadly, I can no longer do that.

It’s been almost two years now, but it still feels so recent. It still feels like you should answer the phone when I call the house to speak to Dad. It still feels like you should be there in your house when I visit Dad.

It’s strange. The memories are there.....so clear. You’re there in the kitchen taking some treacle scones out of the oven. You baked them because you knew I was visiting. I can almost smell those scones when I think of it.

Your smile. Your eyes. So happy always.

I have so many memories and they are all so good. I’m lucky to have them.

I am so so lucky and so proud to have had you as my Mum.

So wherever you are Mum, my very special Mum......happy birthday xx





When God created Betty.......

He looked down on earth one day
From that throne of His above
And decided to create a special lady
Whose heart would be full of love
She’d have extra special qualities
Like compassion and understanding
And an extra special nature
Which would never be demanding
He added patience and thoughtfulness
And lots of kindness too
Then he mixed them altogether
And the end result was you!

Love you forever Mum




Monday, November 14, 2011

A verse to start the week........


 
Monday
Today it is Monday
You wonder how I know
Ah, quite simple really
The computer told me so

Where would I be without it
I can’t begin to guess
Because, to put it quite bluntly
My head is in a mess

The memory’s not so good now
And words just don’t come out
Everything I start to say
I quickly start to doubt

I think my brain stopped connecting
With my lips and fingers too
Spellcheck has made this readable
Or else you wouldn’t have clue!

My fingers do their own thing
And seem to dance around those keys
I type Rs instead of Ws
And mix my Gs with Bs

Is it because I’m getting older
Or is it just my meds
I think it’s the second option
They do this to our heads
E.S.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Magic Wand

Thanks to the wonders of the internet and of course Facebook, over the last year or so, I've "met" a lot of friends who also have trigeminal neuralgia.

I wrote this little verse a few weeks ago for those friends who are suffering from this, and other, just as horrible, conditions.


If I had a magic wand,
I would take away your pain
I'd let you have your life back
So you could smile again

If only it was possible
You would live a different way
No more pain and suffering
Just happiness every day

If only I could help you
I’d take the padlock off the chain
To release you from your life
Filled with chronic pain

If only I had that magic wand
If only that could be true
But a few kind words and a smile
Is the best that I can do
E.S.