Showing posts with label rib pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rib pain. Show all posts

Friday, April 13, 2012

Normality

Everyone who knows me knows that I do try to smile even though I am hurting. But occasionally I do have off-days. On one of my recent off days I wrote a poem. A very long poem, called Normality.

I was feeling very sorry for myself at the time and started thinking about some of the things which have gone wrong over my life. Then my doorbell rung. A friend had decided on the spur of the moment to come to see me. Almost instantly, my mood lifted. It was a much needed visit!

I really don't have days like that too often. I just tend to get a smile on my face and work my way through the day. But it was just so nice to get that surprise visit the other day.

I finished my poem when I was in a better frame of mind and have decided to put it here. I'm not putting it here to look for sympathy. Sympathy doesn't help me. I'm actually putting it here in the hope that it might help some other people who are also going through tough times. We all find our own ways of coping with our problems. And no matter how bad a problem seems at the time, we can get through them. Somehow, we get through them.




Normality

I think it began with my back
I was ten
It decided to grow out of shape
I got worse after that
The scoliosis affected my pelvis
I can remember praying
Yes, praying
That I could just be normal
Just let me wake up and be normal
That’s all I wanted
It’s not what I got

I always felt kind of strange
An oddity
But it became worse, not better
The migraines started
Blind spots and sparkling lights
Afterwards, the headache
I was thirteen
Painful joints started too
Knees occasionally, fingers were worst
I wanted normality
It’s not what I got

That twisted back became painful
I was still at school
Sitting in classrooms I felt it burn
I tried to ignore it
I pretended it wasn’t there
I was still praying
For normality
I didn’t want to be like this
Just let me wake up and be normal
That’s all I wanted
It’s not what I got

I got checked out for Marfan’s
Relief!!
I didn’t have it, but I was Marfan-like
I had some of the symptoms
One was a mitral valve prolapse
Amongst the other things
Why me?
What was going on?
Please, just let me be normal
Why can’t I be normal?
I’ve never had that

The back pain got much worse
Much worse
I certainly couldn’t ignore it
It kept making me faint
The muscles were in spasm
I could hardly move
Pain
I was only about twenty-four
Now I prayed that the pain would go
That’s all I wanted
It’s not what I got

Heart palpitations started at the same time
My heart raced
It pounded like it would jump out my body
It could last for a minute
Or as long as two hours or more
Came on for no reason
No reason at all
It was frightening. Scary
Once a week, sometimes more
Was this normal?
Certainly not

The headaches were getting worse
I was under 25
Not always blind spots or sparkling lights
But my face was hurting too
Just constant pain on my head and face
And my teeth. They hurt like mad
Like torture
The doctors said it was migraine
The dentist, well he said it was normal
Actually I know now
It was the start of TN

There have been a few other things along the way
Like Raynaud’s
Plenty of aches and pains, from my ribs to my toes
The shoulders and neck
It just seems that my life has been full of pain
Pain is just part of my life
It’s normal
No point in praying to be normal
Living with pain IS normal for me
I wanted normality
But not like this

So what did I do to deserve all this
Nothing
That’s right.....I did absolutely nothing
I don’t deserve this pain
But I’ve got it. And I need to smile through it
That’s my way of coping
Not by praying
It didn’t change things for all those years
It didn’t take my pain away or straighten my spine
That was what I wanted
But that wasn’t what I got

Life can be very unfair sometimes
Extremely
There is no ‘one size fits all’ for everyone
So everyone is normal
Even me, with my odd back and all my pain
And trust me, there are people much worse
And they’re normal too
So now I don’t pray to be normal
I don’t pray for my pain to be taken away
I laugh. I smile. I stay happy
I cope with my pain that way


I never look ahead to the future
I can’t
I’m sure it would frighten me if I tried
I’ve enough to deal with the present
So I try to just deal with today
Pain is just part of my life
That is normality
So I smile, I laugh, I stay happy
Because that is just how I deal with my pain
I smile, I laugh, I stay happy
But sometimes, I just say ‘why?’
                                            E.S.





Friday, February 17, 2012

Coping

Living like this really drags me down sometimes.

The chronic pain.

It just doesn’t go away.

Of course, then I had to have that fall and give myself cracked ribs on top of everything else. That pain is still really bad, but I’m kind of getting used to it now. Just another pain to add to the list.

I do get some good days. But to be honest, the good days aren’t really all that good. And they probably won’t ever be.

I’m not being negative or a pessimist by saying this. I’m being realistic.


I am sure that life is the same for most people who suffer from a chronic painful condition.

Many chronic pain sufferers don’t actually have a life.

They just cope.

Every day.....they just cope. Somehow.

I often say that I think of myself as a positive person. But that’s not to say that things don’t get me down sometimes. That’s ok. It’s allowed. I am human after all. Just as long as I don’t stay down for too long. I need to be able to get back up again. And the longer I’m down, the harder it is to climb back up.

Other people think of me as positive too. A friend told me the other day that I have great spirit. She doesn’t think that she could ever cope with what I live with. But she could. Most people could. That is just how we are made. We have something in us which makes us cope with whatever life throws at us. And when we’re coping with that, it can throw us something else and we learn to cope with that too.

So maybe we are actually all the same. Me, coping with my pain, someone else coping with family troubles. Someone else coping with their money worries or problems at work.

 So maybe I’m not any different from anyone else. Maybe we are all coping. Just coping with different things.

But for most people, they cope as well as having a life.

But for many people with a chronic pain condition - they just cope.

Chronic pain IS their life.





Sunday, December 11, 2011

Having a Bad Day


I really don’t get this.

I am on Cymbalta, Amitriptyline, Tegretol and use Lidocaine patches on my face and it still hurts so much.

I am adding in occasional pain killers and muscle relaxants.

How can I go on putting all those drugs into my body AND still live with this pain.

At one point last night I felt as though my head was in between a pair of cymbals. Both sides of my head were being hit. My temples were getting it. Then I got struck across my forehead every now and then. My teeth felt as if all the nerves were raw. I ate some mashed potato with cheese for dinner. It was warm, not too hot, but some went near the right side of my teeth. It hurt big time.

Today, the head pain has gone thankfully. But my right cheekbone hurts like I’ve been punched in the face. It’s just constant, from my cheekbone, right around my eye socket to the my temple. I feel like I have earache, but I know it’s just this Trigeminal Neuralgia. My teeth are bad. Two in particular......got that feeling of someone pulling them with pliers.

Plus the rib pain is still here. Just as bad, if not worse. The ultrasound scan was clear, so I know it’s nothing ‘inside’, but whatever is causing it is not nice.

I am so fed up with this.

Just give me one day of feeling normal.


Sorry for going on about it, just really needed to vent a bit.....



Sunday, November 27, 2011

Dem bones, dem bones.....

One of those days yesterday. My face was bad. My ribs were bad.  I don't think I was out of my bed too much the whole day.

I have had the ultrasound scan for the rib pain, and it came back all clear. So that's at least one bit of good news.

So why all this pain? It feels like my ribs are too tight for my body....like they are squashing me. My GP thinks (and I agree) that the rib pain is related to my back.

This scoliosis has a lot to answer for! It wouldn't surprise me if it also has something to do with the Trigeminal Neuralgia. I did ask the neurologist if that could be the case but he categorically said no, there was no connection between the head and the back. Hmmm.....I think I categorically disagree with that. I seem to remember a song called Dem Bones, Dem Bones. It went something like this :-

The toe bone connected to the heel bone,
The heel bone connected to the foot bone,
The foot bone connected to the leg bone,
The leg bone connected to the knee bone,
The knee bone connected to the thigh bone,
The thigh bone connected to the back bone,
The back bone connected to the neck bone,
The neck bone connected to the head bone,

Okay, I know that human anatomy is a little bit more intricate than just a bunch of bones pinned together with some nails and screws, but surely there is a connection. Surely.....